My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
