I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
