My liver just broke up with me...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
