Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
