I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize