as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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