The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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