i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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