I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
