Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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