Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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