Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
