Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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