I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
