I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
