the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
