I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
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then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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