I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze