I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sober January is a disaster.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing