please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma