The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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