All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch