i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.