2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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