This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
