so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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