Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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