I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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