Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
