when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
