I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
