i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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