Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
