Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
