she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
