Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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