I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
