Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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