I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
