marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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