That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
