you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
