I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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