someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
