dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
