Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
