i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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