Having a random hookup so left but love u
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
