just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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