So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
