He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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