I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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