he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
