I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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