Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
