I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
