me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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