i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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