How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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