Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
