Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
