No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
