There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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