I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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