At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
