I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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