We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize