Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
