hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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