He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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