guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
