new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
