I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
