Ketchup is God's man juice
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
