I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
