I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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