are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize