So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
